so tonight my philosophy professor had these nasty bruises all over her arms and she stopped mid-lecture to say “sorry you guys have to look at my bruised-up body, my friend brought a stripper pole over for thanksgiving and that shit is not easy. tip your strippers. tip your strippers well” and then immediately kept talking about philosophy
My cat brought us a present today. I have never seen a rabbit SO angry.
My brother is putting Christmas lights up and the cat jumped on the roof.
Now he’s singing “The Circle of Life.”
people with anxiety disorders are so brave like we feel unbearable amounts of anxiety over doing things like going to the doctor or getting on a plane or talking on the phone or taking a test but sometimes we find the strength to do those things anyway even though we’re terrified out of our minds and that’s really amazing. people with anxiety are brave as hell
My brother and his best friends last names are Weinberg and Weiner so they’re next to each other in their yearbook and LOOK AT WHAT THEY DID I AM SUCH A PROUD BIG SISTER RIGHT NOW
I must be one amazing ass kisser then since I mutilate the shit out of my straw. Just saying.
I destroy my straws…